White Trash Cooking Month! Gourmet Dish #2: Toxic Housewife Chicken

unlike most of my cooking, this dish actually tastes better than it looks

And now, for the Trashiest recipe in my arsenal: three nearly open-and-dump ingredients, cooked in a microwave, ready in less than 5 minutes, and with only 1 dish to clean.  Basically a tortilla-less burrito, may I present the only recipe I've ever invented: Toxic Housewife Chicken.


1)  Cube a raw chicken breast.  (OK, organic and all-natural is best, but where's the fun without all the scary growth hormones?  [Besides, I like to live life on the edge.])
2) Spread the cubes across a plate, not touching (to promote even radiation), and microwave until almost fully-cooked (about 4 minutes in my old microwave).
3)  Dump liquid from the plate, smother chicken with salsa and shredded mozzarella, then continue cooking (another minute or two) until

1. salsa is heated
2. cheese is melted, and
3. the danger of trichinosis has passed 

4) Enjoy this filling, succulent, healthy (except for the growth hormones) dish!


You may thank me later.

Notes:

• If you forgot to defrost a chicken breast, no problem!  Nuc it just until you can cut frozen cubes, then cook as above (Don't worry; due to the wonders of radiation, you'll only have to cook it a minute or two longer than you would a thawed chicken!)
• Chicken pieces will probably cook at the same rate if they are of even size; if they're not, I put the smaller pieces in the center of the plate so they won't cook as quickly.
• Dried chicken is the enemy!  Don't overcook, and be sure to smother with sauce and cheese for the last bit.
• OK, this is totally a one plate meal, but . . . I usually cook the chicken on one plate, then transfer it to another for the smothering-and-last-nuc-ing because otherwise the plate will be kind of hot, and I'm usually too impatient to let it cool before I eat.  (After all, the only time I'm eating Toxic Housewife Chicken is when Bee is absent and has cruelly not provided me with dinner, and by then I'm desperate and starved.)