Woo-HOO!

This photo has absolutely nothing to do with this post; I just kind of thought the dyed batters were pretty, and wanted to post it SOMEWHERE)

Today is a day for celebration: this marks my 200th post!!  I'm sure you're as excited as I am!!

Now, as I said before in marking the grand occasion of my 100th post, this would normally be the time where all my celebrity friends would come out and we'd recap our favorite posts and pat ourselves on the back for being a part of such a culturally-important project.  But -- for some odd reason -- all my celebrity friends were out of town / enforcing their restraining orders, so I decided to do the recap on my own.


I thought I'd start the recap with the Top 5 Most-Read Posts On The Toxic Housewife Blog. 

#5:  Drunk Angel

OK, I actually have no idea why this post is in the top five out of all my gems.  Perhaps it's because it includes several adorable pictures of Bee and his . . . eclectic dress sense.  I also think perhaps that the company mentioned within it's paragraphs has searched its own name for negative reviews and ended up there.

Maybe it's because the Drunk Angel Himself is looking down on it from heaven above, keeping that little post going.

And if that doesn't make you believe in a higher being, nothing will.

#4:  Letter To My Husband's Mistress

I have to say that this is one of my favorite pieces of writing, done at a time when I really had something important to say and didn't just spew out my words.  It was actually accepted for publication by BMW Owners Magazine, yet it never appeared in the magazine's pages (and the publisher inexplicably started ignoring my subtle e-mails asking why the f*ck not).

Sigh.  I was this close to fame and fortune!

I might be a little biased, but I've always thought it's a really sweet piece, paying homage to my love for Bee and the the things he loves (even when I find those things to be confounding).

Unfortunately, I think the reason most people end up on that post is because they literally are searching for a letter to send to their cheating husband's skanky mistress, and they are therefore uninterested in the poetry I have placed before them.

#3:  Break Out The Biohazard Suit

This one used to get tons of traffic when I first put it up.  Then I realized it was just because I'd started it with a biohazard drawing I'd gotten from the Internet, and people were just ending up on that post because of that image.  I took that image down, and now no one's clicked on that post in years.

Huh.  Go figure.

#2:  Curse You, Wonder Pets!

Alright, I'm not going to feel too bad about people accidentally landing on this post, since most of them were Googling "wonder pets speech impediment" or "wonder pets gender", and I DO actually address both those topics in this post.  Of course, I do so in a charmingly bitchy way; one which is possibly unappreciated by those die-hard fans of the Wonder Pets show who just wanted to learn more about their favorite obnoxiously-continually-singing characters.

Still, I don't feel that I owe an apology to these people for accidentally ending up on my blog; not like the way I still want to apologize to the poor sap who just wanted some light housewife porn and got stuck with my rant on dishes left on the counter.

AND THE NUMBER ONE MOST-READ POST ON THE TOXIC HOUSEWIFE BLOG:

#1: Turkey's Done

OK, this post is about my navel piercing.

The problem is, most people accidentally land on this post around Thanksgiving/Christmas when they Google "turkey pop-up timer" or "how to tell when your turkey's done".

I've gotten so many accidental reads this way that I felt obliged to add an update on the post, apologizing to those who just wanted to find out when to take the damn turkey out of the oven, but were now grappling with the mental image of a suburban, dangerously-creeping-towards-middle-aged housewife with a belly-button ring.

As bad as I feel that all these folks came to this site and didn't get the info they were expecting, I like to think that maybe I got one or two loyal followers out of their serendipitous Googling.

Yeah; I'd like to think that.



So there you have it: The List Of What The People Most Want To Read! Oh, alright: so it turns out to really be The List Of What People Accidentally Land On Most When Googling Other Things . . . but it's my 200th Post Party, and I'll lie if I want to.

For those of you who have been with me from nearly the beginning, I want to thank you for staying with me through all my mindless word-spewage (and occasional triumphs of the written word).

To those of you who just wanted a picture of Dwight K. Schrute or a Perverted Housewife and accidentally got sucked in . . . all I can say is: WELCOME!!

(Join us next time for my personal list of favorite posts.  Let the self-serving back-patting begin!!)