Am I Just Getting Dumber and Dumberer?

How To Entertain A Dumbass

The last time I visited my parents, my father asked me if I planned to go back to school once Mr. C started kindergarten.  Because I am intelligent and able to quickly and diplomatically vocalize my inner thoughts, I immediately snorted at him.


I feel bad about this (and not just because of the fluids that sailed in his general direction).  I realize that it must be so difficult to watch your child, for whom you had such high hopes, not (professionally) amount to much.

But, hey, at least I used 'whom' correctly in that last sentence.

(I think).

Poor Dad.  He always thought I'd be the first female president of the United States.  Instead, I spent my first 10 years following college shoveling shit for a living, and now I just bake and moonlight as a woodworker (and not a very good one, I might add).

Dad tried to get me interested in Smart Things, like politics and investing.  The year I was about 14, he gave me a subscription to American Life or The New American or some such magazine (that obviously made a big impression on me).  I tried to read one or two issues, got bored, then switched back to my Cricket magazine (hey, it's for kids aged 9-14!).

I do remember that one of the American Whatever issues was about classic cars, and it had a beautiful picture of a classic car on the front; I therefore thought it appropriate to leave the issue on our coffee table for a few months, since I'd heard of coffee table books and thought this would apply.  I never actually bothered to flip open the magazine and read the article, mind you; but -- gosh darn it! -- I was going to get some use out of that magazine somehow (until Mom got tired of it being in our common space and recycled it).

Even now, in case you haven't guessed from my past posts, I'm just not all that interested in intelligent things.  Which is really too bad, as it would make me a more interesting person and a more pleasing wife.  Bee keeps trying to draw me into conversations about the dire state of the economy or the latest natural disaster that has occurred.  Unfortunately, unless that natural disaster is Linsday Lohan, I just don't want to hear about it.

(I'm just kidding: I don't want to hear about Lindsay Lohan, either.  Now, if the news is about any other celebrity, however . . . )

I'm trying to figure out why I'm so shallow.  I've come to the conclusion that my decision not to be involved in current affairs is not because I'm not smart enough to understand them (although, realistically, I'm probably too lazy to put forth the effort); rather, I don't keep up with politics, history, economics, or any other Intelligent Topic because most of it is just so damn depressing.  Either the world is ending in some way or another (which, may I point out, people have been saying since they figured out how to communicate) or The Government is Screwing Us And Sucks or there is no hope for our future.

And, although I do believe that one person can make a difference, I don't really believe that one person can make a difference.  So, what's the point in getting all worked up about it all?

(Except for the fact that someone should get worked up about it, then join forces with other worked-up folks, who will then band together and create the change they wish to see.  But I digress!)

Also, I think that I'm less likely to read up on world events than I am to read up on celebrities because I'm actually quite interested in people and their emotions and motives.  I'm not really interested in Kim Kardashian's pregnancy (in fact, I'm pretty disgusted that it's obsessed-about at all); I am however, fascinated by the idea of what it means to be a celebrity and the privacy you lose and the self-worth you gain or question and how anything, even a pregnancy, is different when you're famous than when you're ordinary . . . yet how something like a pregnancy unites women, despite where they are in life.

Those are the sorts of things I like to ponder.  Which is why I get just as much out of 'fluff' movies as I do out of 'intelligent' ones: Bee has long-ago left the room, bored with the romantic-comedy plot-line, whereas I am engrossed to see how the filmmakers chose to present a situation and how the actors can surprise me with their portrayal of emotions and if the film will end in a unique way.  Barring all that, I at least thoroughly enjoy predicting aloud what the next line will be or who will be the first to die (something that doesn't happen much in romantic comedies) . . . which is probably why S.B. hates to watch movies with me.  (Just 'cuz I'm AWESOME at it.)

Still, occasionally I rouse myself out of my Fluff Stupor enough to read/watch something intelligent.  And, when I do, I actually feel really good about myself.  Just last week, for instance, I spent hours online looking through our state's codes for non-profit organizations; when I was through, I felt so much more in-control and able to help Bee with Market board issues.  And I was just so proud of myself for understanding most of it.  Not to mention how fun it's been to be having a business discussion with Bee and to casually slip in, "Actually, while the Board of Directors can change most of the organization's bylaws without outside input, I believe an increase in the quorum requirements can only be made with a vote of the Members."

I sound like a frickin' genius!  (Except for the minor fact that I use words like 'frickin'.)

Here's the last book I read:

Following his crushing defeat as the Progressive Party candidate for president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, who had always pushed his own physical and emotional endurance, vowed to get over his humiliation by embarking on a near-fatal exploration of a previously-unmapped South American river.

You should know that this well-written, intriguing book was one of the most compelling reads I've had in a while.

You should also know that that is precisely why it took me several months to read this book; just knowing it was intelligent made it difficult for me to take it seriously (how ironic!).  So, even though it was easier and more-interesting to read than, say, Split Personality: The Story of P!nk, I still felt it absolutely necessary to laboriously wade through the latter before I returned to enjoying the former.

What is wrong with me?

However, I am trying to keep hold of the feelings of accomplishment that result once I've engaged in an Activity Of Intellectual Merit.  Which is why I have decided -- for the first time in years -- to actually make a New Year's Resolution.  I am going to publish this resolution here, on the World Wide Web, for all 7 of you to see, so that I am more likely to follow through with it (ahhh, the power of guilt!).

My resolution: to read 6 non-fiction books and watch 2 documentaries by the end of this next December.  I will post about my oh-so-challenging accomplishments as they occur.

(Actually, if you'd like an entertaining account of a similar resolution [she called it her "cultural Jenaissance"], please consider picking up a copy of My Fair Lazy, by my other favorite blogger.)

"One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is the New Black; Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto"

Anyway, if you have any recommendations for my IntelliQuest, please feel free to forward them on to me.  However, please keep in mind to recommend with baby steps, as anything too-intelligent will probably blow my mind.  And not in a good way.

And now, having managed to read (and actually enjoy!) something intelligent, I am called to immerse myself in something with absolutely no value.  So, if you'll excuse me . . .