The Toxic Housewife

Mr. C's grandpa introduced him to the Nickelodeon show 'Wonder Pets!'.  It's their buddy-bonding activity when we visit.  And it is yet anther reason why I'm just as happy we don't have cable. In case you don't know the premise of the show, it revolves around three classroom pets -- a self-important gerbil, a gender-challenged turtle, and a duckling with a speech impediment -- who sneak off after school's closed to save baby animals whose neglectful parents have allowed to get into dangerous situations. It really wouldn't be so bad if the damn animals wouldn't insist on singing EVERY FRICKIN' THING.  Each show is the longest fifteen minutes of my life.  Let me create an episode for you:

My first house was frickin' adorable. Actually, it was an out-dated piece of crap, but I learned how to refinish, texture, tile, and remove glitterized wallpaper.  Yes.  Glitter.  On the walls.  After much hard work, I turned it into a home in which I was quite comfortable.  I loved that place.

Yesterday another mother and I were at the park when our sons decided to explore the men's room.  We had been yawning on park benches just moments before, languidly watching our children jump off the tops of slides and balance along five-foot-tall rock walls; but the moment our sons disappeared into the recesses of Pedophileville, we mothers were off like rockets.

When I was a teenager, a neighbor paid me to help chaperon a group of five-year-olds for a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's.  When the evening was over, it took two hours for me to stop feeling like I was being pursued by a six foot tall gray rat with mange, two days to get the echoes of shrilly-screaming kids out of my ears, but only two minutes for me to resolve never to go back. But . . .

Well, we've gotten the chickens outside to their Taj Mahal .  I think it looks fantastic.  Bee finished building it while I was visiting my parents , which tells you that I should go out of town more often in the middle of a project.  Of course, he did a few modifications I've had to undo, which tells you I should never go out of town in the middle of a project.

Rather than do something constructive, I spent the week cleaning up this blog.  Because, darn it, world peace can wait!

  I've decided to start a new subject matter. It will be about my tragedies in cooking, and will include the recipes I was attempting to create. I figured it is my Toxic Housewife duty to educate anyone interested enough in reading a cooking post about what NOT to do to re-create a recipe. Because, Lord knows, I won't be able to tell you how to do it RIGHT . Any posts on this subject will be tagged 'Mystery Science Theater 3000'. Our first post: Rhubarb Pie, or – more accurately – Rhubarb Goop.

Mr. C and I just returned from visiting my parents, who live a seven-hour car-ride away.  I have to say, Mr. C did wonderfully for the long car ride.  So, for all of you parents of toddlers out there who are contemplating a long trip with your cherub, I thought I'd pass along some tips that worked for me, as well as some I've heard from other parents.