A Shoestring Vacation Fit For A Queen!

running through Zion National Park

We just got back from a fabulous vacation in exotic Tucson.  Once again, our knack for setting our sights really low so things can only go up from there paid off, and we really enjoyed ourselves.


Low-Set Sight #1: 1 four-year-old boy +1 eleven-year-old car + 18 hours of driving = Extreme Marital Challenge

Reality:  We swapped our aging Mazda

(similar [though more-dented] to shown)

 with a luxurious rented Toyota Avalon

comes with fully-automated seats, satellite radio, 2 cigarette plug-ins, 1 USB port, and upper-middle-class house pictured in background 

and, as a result, Bee, Mr. C and I rode in roomy-legged comfort the whole time.  And, thanks to a brassy move on Priceline, I rented a Luxury car for the price of a Full-Sized one.  Go me!

Also, since  Bee or I usually sat in the backseat with Mr. C for most of the ride, he (Mr. C) was a perfect angel, enjoying the new toys and books I got him on recent thrift store forays or watching movies on our portable dvd player (how did we EVER survive without technology??).

Low-Set Sight #2: 3 days of driving down + 3 days of driving home = Are You SURE We Can't Afford To Fly?

Reality: We made sure to have goals to look forward to, such as a stop at Zion National Park on the way south

and an evening in Vegas on the way home

(photo by Mr. C)

which made the driving more doable.  As it was, thanks to our Awesome Luxury Toyota Avalon (and accompanying portable dvd player), we were enjoying ourselves so much that we were able to make each drive in two days instead of three, which was excellent for our motel budget (although Mr. C -- oddly enough -- LOVED staying in the motels, and probably could have spent a week moving from Days Inn to Days Inn).

Now, I know some of you screeched with joy when you read "Vegas", while others of you shuddered in horror.  So what, you may wonder, was our view of Sin City?  Well, Bee was a shudderer.  I, however, was a screecher.  But that really should come as no surprise: you know how I feel about Everything Themed, and I'm sure you can guess how easily I am distracted by colorful lights.  Mr. C, for his own part, just loved being carried through the crowds, and he didn't even notice all the blatant porn strewed amongst the streets.  Score!

Arriving to the city late, we walked the strip for a few hours, saw the Bellagio fountain show (which -- although lovely -- did not live up to my Ocean's Eleven triumphal-parting-scene memories), then went back to our hotel and slept (thank you, earplugs!).  The next morning, I wanted to take Mr. C to see the supposed tigers at Mandalay Bay or some other such free activity, but I could tell Bee -- who was bravely coming along only for my sake -- was about to combust from the effort of holding his shuddering at bay.  Plus I was getting a blister from walking so much.  So we called it quits and left town (but not before I won $1.96 at a slot machine at The Excalibur.  Go me, again!!)

So, unfortunately, our stay in Vegas was too short for my liking.  I want to explore more hotels, see a few shows, and eat at least ONE buffet a day.  Sadly, I shall either have to make a few girlfriends I can actually take trips with, or wait until my next husband.  (Although I'm sure Mr. C  would be thrilled to go back with me.)

After leaving Vegas that day, we -- without planning to -- drove 10 hours, all the way home.  By that point, we were so in the zone of driving our Awesome Luxury Toyota Avalon that it made more sense, at 8 p.m., to just drive the last four hours than to spend the money on a hotel.  And Mr. C was doing fine there in the backseat.  Well, except that he suddenly had to go to the bathroom.  And not just the bathroom, but THE BATHROOM, if you know what I mean, and he had to do it RIGHT NOW!

Which saw us pulling off to the side of the highway whilst he squatted and then freaked out because he couldn't squeeze everything out and we didn't have an extra supply of napkins and he missed and peed on his shorts a little and Bee had to help him while I laughed from the front seat and supportively took pictures:

Ahhhh, vacation.

Low-Set Sight #3: There's No Way To Entertain A Four-Year-Old For A Week At An In-Law's House And Still Remain On Good Terms With Said In-Law

Reality: I am lucky that my entire family -- whether blood, in-law, or ex-in-law-by marriage -- is comprised of wonderful, patient people who don't mind too much if a small child wants to take a bubble bath every night in their Jacuzzi tub or maniacally chase around their treasured pup.

Although, honestly, Mr. C really was in good spirits this trip.  He loved hanging out with his 21-year-old cousin, who was very sweet to him, and he thought his uncle's magic tricks were hilarious.  And he followed his aunt around like a faithful dog.  We were extremely fortunate, too, that Bee's mom and her husband came through town the same time we did; not only did Mr. C get to see them, but he got to explore their motor home, which might very well be the highlight of his trip.

He did very well on our 11-day journey, despite the fact that there was no one his age to play with.  Well, except for a two-hour stretch while visiting relatives in Phoenix when we watched Bee's teenaged second cousin (or is it cousin-once-removed?) play softball, and there were a few other young kids around.  Initially, one of the adorable little girls played with Mr. C, but -- once another girl showed up -- the bitches left my child to play together.

that's my poor boy at their feet, begging them to play

Luckily, we came armed with bubbles, and -- lo and behold! --

Mr. C was again Mr. Popularity!


OK, sure: Bee and I really wanted a couples-only cruise to South America.  Instead we cruised as a family to Arizona.  But, as it turns out, we enjoyed the latter just as much as we would have enjoyed the former!

Well, I might be stretching that a bit.