The Toxic Tour - Leg 2: The Ties That Bind and Gag

I Feel Pretty

OK, so the constant stream of blurred-faced people in my blog photos is kind of freaking even me out . . . but that's the only way I can figure out how to protect the anonymity of the folks pictured within.  And, obviously, said folks need their anonymity protected, since I tend to post only incriminating photos.  Case in point: Mr. C prancing around his cousin Kay's house in one of her princess dresses.

He's like the daughter I never had.  I'm so proud!



Mr. C had a blast with his cousin, who is only 9 months older than him.  They played dress-up, watched a mere 30 minutes of TV per day together, and shared all Kay's fancy and educational toys.  My sister has done a fabulous job with Kay, raising a polite little girl with good manners.  Naturally, I hated every moment of our stay.

I'm totally kidding!

I had a great time, too.  Mostly because I got to meet my 6-month-old nephew for the first time, so I spent our entire stay calling him a 'squishy baby' and trying to make him laugh by yelling "OGRE!" in his face (hey, it used to work for Mr. C!).  Next time, I shall bring PopTarts and Spongebob videos; let the corruption begin!

Not that I'm suggesting my sister is uptight: far from it.  I was impressed with what a fantastic hostess she was right from the start, when she met our very-delayed plane with a cooler of water and baggies of Goldfish and other snacks we're too cheap to buy Mr. C (who was, naturally, therefore in heaven all week).  She rearranged her children's sleeping arrangements to give her guests two rooms with comfortable bedding, and -- yet another thing I'd never thought to do -- provided a spare toothbrush holder so we all had a spot to store our brushes.  Then she never once complained -- despite being up half the night with her nursing baby -- when Bee and I groggily just sent our child down to the kitchen to be fed by his aunt while we went back to sleep.  Such service!

We visited her in-laws one afternoon for the express purpose of using their pool.  The in-laws, of course, welcomed us with open arms.  Keep in mind that they'd never met Bee, S.B., or Mr. C, and the longest time they'd spent with me was at my sister's wedding.  But this would never matter: my sister's husband's family is one of those huge, always-cheerful, ever-welcoming mobs that go out of their way to do things as a family and make strangers feel at home.  Which is why I've always been so happy that my sister married into that family; she deserves a big, jovial, outwardly-expressing-love type of family instead of . . . well . . . me.

The next day, my sister's husband drove Bee and S.B. nearly two hours north so Bee could visit a friend he'd had since age ten.  Meanwhile, my sister and I took the kids to her family's favorite lake.  We played in the water and built sandcastles (OK, Kay and I built them and Mr. C destroyed them) and picnic-ed on the shore.  And I wondered why it is I never think to take Mr. C to our local watering hole more often.  Particularly when he looks so cute with an umbrella:

 

creepy faceless child

One of the nicest parts about our stay was that, between S.B. and my sister, someone was always around to watch Mr. C for an hour in the evening.  This freed up Bee and me to take a walk together; almost like a real date!  We wandered my sister's neighborhood, lusting after all the beautiful, Colonial-style houses, pretending to pick our own, enjoying the lush vegetation, and trying to coerce each other into moving back east/staying out west.

We shared our final day at my sister's with Selfless Former College Roommate, who drove the hour from her home to my sister's to pick us up and drive us the hour back to her home.  Knowing I wasn't going to get much time with Selfless Former College Roommate, my sister graciously offered to watch Mr. C so I could go to lunch alone with my friend, then bribed her into staying for the day with the promise of dinner before the trip back to my friend's house.  I inadvertently tricked my friend with this . . . but more on that, later.

There's that saying about fish and company starting to stink after three days, so we dutifully made our exit that evening.  Surprisingly-enough, only the cat showed outward signs of wanting us to get the hell out of there:

I Shall Tolerate You

OK, that's enough

 My sister, for her part, was upset we were leaving, despite the fact that she had a million things to do to prepare for the in-laws' annual All Family Vacation Extravaganza that began the very next day.  I still can't comprehend why she'd get emotional to see me going . . . when it's me and I'm going.  I don't know; maybe they were just carefully-camouflaged tears of joy.  More likely, though, being the lovely person she is, she truly was sad to see blood relatives leave.

She, of course, sent us off with snacks to use over the course of the rest of our trip.

Mr. C, of course, ate them all in the car within an hour.

Join us next week for another exciting segment: How Did I Ever Convince You To Be My Friend?