If You Think I'm Uptight Now, You Should Have Seen Me In College

Hellooooo, Ladies!

I was thinking the other day about how so many of my interpersonal skills weren't learned until college.  Which means it's a wonder I made it through freshman year without any of my fellow dorm-mates bitch-slapping me to death.


When I entered college, I was a fairly mature individual: I could do my own laundry, schedule my own appointments, and be in charge of my own homework.  But I wasn't used to living with anyone but the same people I'd lived with for eighteen years.  We had a routine at home, and we had set ways we interacted with each other and showed our love.  Which basically boiled down to mercilessly teasing each other and trying to make ourselves feel superior by belittling our family members.  (I see you cringing, Mom!  And I'm just kidding!  sort of!)

Anyway, I got to college and moved into a dorm room with a perfect stranger.  Who, as it turns out, was actually pretty cool.  Sure, she ate like a bird and slept until noon, but she didn't try to dominate our fledgling relationship, and she was actually willing to hang out with me that first week.

When I think back to some of the things I put her through, I kind of have to cringe.  I remember her asking if she could plug a lamp into the electrical outlet near my desk, and I said no because that outlet was already running my computer and I was paranoid it would cause an electrical surge.  Yes: the 40-watt lamp would cause my computer to blow.  Or there was the time when she asked if it would be alright for her to set up some of her knick-knacks on the window ledge her bed partly touched, and I pursed my lips and declared that -- since that was the only window in the room -- her taking over the ledge with her things wasn't fair.  She didn't bat an eyelash.  Though I'll bet she had plenty to call home about.

We became friends with one of the girls down the hall, eventually becoming The Trio (or, as I preferred, the Menage a Trois).  When the time rolled around to choose sophomore roommates, the three of us moved in together.  We did the same junior year, then senior year.

Sometimes I wonder how those two survived me.  I didn't know how to properly argue, which means I mostly sulked.  I was, furthermore, so insecure about myself that I would sometimes fall so deeply into a funk that I just couldn't figure out my feelings for days, which meant I couldn't talk to my roommates for days.  And then there were the times I would confront one or the other of them in a certain way, resolve the issue, then promptly proclaim we were never allowed to use that form of confrontation again.

I swear, I probably would have kicked my own ass if I'd had to live with me.

However, the three of us survived, and matured, and grew in our interpersonal skills.  I, for one, found it necessary to keep growing long after college; I still was using that sulking technique when Bee and I were dating, for instance.

But I had learned a lot about how to treat other people by watching how my two roommates treated each other and those around them.  It was, in fact, amazingly eye-opening to discover all these different methods people used to get along.  I loved learning about them.

Even now, ten years after college has ended, I am still friends with my two former roommates.  Sure, we live on complete opposite ends of the country from each other, and we hardly ever talk, and we write even less; but I know we're still friends and I will always be grateful for the way they forced me to confront my bad behavior and become someone that would eventually become someone who is loved by a great man and who loves herself more than that insecure, uptight college freshman ever thought possible.