0 F's

 

COVID Couture

 

I don't know if you can tell, but I've always been on the forefront of fashion trends.  

Between work and working out (not that I take the latter seriously), I'm usually either covered in sawdust or sweat.  If I have an occasion to shower and prepare to go out in public, though, I generally try to at least look presentable.  Or, I used to try.

The "looking presentable" bar has been substantially lowered in the last few years.  A few challenges are at play: 

First, and most obvious, is COVID.  When quarantine hit, there truly wasn't a need to even try: only Bee and Mr. C were going to see me, so what was the point?  I simply dressed for comfort . . . which resulted in a lot of glorious looks such as this one:

Sexy!

 

The only time we went out in those first weeks was when Bee and I would take an afternoon turn around the neighborhood park.  There really wasn't much point in changing my entire outfit, so I generally just threw a sweater or coat on over my ensemble.  This resulted in several tragedies:

I adore this sweater, but -- improperly accessorized -- I admit it looks like a bathrobe

This photo angle doesn't do justice to the long sweater peeking out jaggedly from under the coat.  Or the glaring silk scarf.   

 

 

After the end of quarantine, I tried to rally and return to caring about my appearance -- I tried!  But by then the need for comfort food had really kicked in (I've never eaten so many bags of potato chips in my life) and I'm still not comfortable going back to the gym.  

 In case it didn't apply to you and you were wondering: the Quarantine Fifteen is REAL.

So "looking presentable" is now influenced by Challenge #2: weight gain.  Back boobs and low belly prominently and permanently on display, I now favor flowy tops and elastic-waisted bottoms.  I found a new pair of lightweight pants that allowed me to eschew wearing shorts all this last summer, so that was a real bonus!

Yeah, that's me in the middle.

 

Mr. C hates these pants.  Sure, maybe the voluminous legs bring to mind a clown luxuriously rolling around on the beach, but I just don't care.  I call them my "Kicky Pants", and I am most pleased with them.

Occasionally, I must put forth an effort to look presentable, and those days are always very sad for me.  Most-recently, it occurred this morning:

Since the schools in my area are struggling to staff their classes, I applied last year to be a substitute teacher.  I do my absolute best to be unavailable unless it truly fits in my schedule, but I've still done some gig work from time to time, and it's kind of fun.  Today, as I was going to be home doing computer work anyway, I agreed to substitute for an online high school science teacher.  All I truly needed to do was take attendance and post some slides, so I could work on my own business in the background while I covered for this teacher. Win Win!

(On a side note: I have no idea how these students and teachers do online school full-time without going bat-shit crazy.  Mr. C did it for a semester-and-a-half when COVID first hit, and -- since subbing online -- I have a new respect for him.  Two years later, I am blown away by the perseverance of the people who are still doing online school.  Everyone involved in education always deserves our utmost respect, but those doing it online deserve special accolades.)

Anyway, allow me to show you the professional ensemble I put together for today's substitute position:

That's right: yoga pants, a stained work-out shirt, Christmas socks, and tennis shoes.  Then I threw a long black sweater on over the whole thing to really bring it all together.  

Since Google Meets only shows you from the neck up, this outfit was perfectly acceptable, thank you very much.

COVID and weight gain challenges aside, I also face a third challenge to looking presentable these days: The "Zero F*cks" Challenge.  I don't know if it's as a result of COVID, gaining weight, or just getting older, but it's very hard to care about appearances these days.  Yesterday, Bee and I needed to return some panelling to the hardware store.  "Zero F*cks" reared its ugly head, resulting in this classic outfit:

slippers and my "bathrobe" sweater

rat's nest 'do and stained winter parka (with non-functioning zipper)

 

I don't even give enough F*cks to apologize for this, and I barely care enough to at least let you know that I only devolved into this low of a low because I had no plans to get out of the vehicle.

I think my "Zero F*cks" is starting to creep into other points of our lives, though.  When we went to the afore-mentioned store yesterday, we couldn't be bothered to properly tie down the panelling.  Sooo...

 

...we threw tie-down straps around the panelling, then threaded the straps through the open windows and I hung on to both ends from the passenger seat while Bee drove us the half-mile down the road.  I pretended like I was flying a kite.

Zero.  F*cks.