You Watch Too Much "Property Brothers"

You'll have to forgive my absence from blogging, but I've been lazy.  I mean busy. 

But mostly lazy.



Also, for awhile there, I got behind on my New Year's Resolution to cook two Martha Stewart recipes a month.  Rather than report on what I did cook, I decided I couldn't blog until I was back on target.  (FYI: I'm still not.)

but here is a Martha Stewart Whole Wheat Cracker with Martha Stewart Homemade Ricotta and non-Martha homemade tomato paste

And then there's the fact that I've also fallen behind on my IntelliQuest goal of reading 6 non-fiction books a year.  This one's not my fault, though . . . it's NPR's fault (which I would not be listening to so much if not for the IntelliQuest.  Catch-22.):  I've taken to ordering books based on author interviews on The Diane Rehm Show or Fresh Air.  Which is how I came to spend good money on this tome:

 

It's a fascinating book on how skewed our American history lessons have been towards the white, European perspective.   It sets you straight on everything: Columbus (who was an asshole), the Pilgrims (who weren't the religiously-persecuted victims we've been taught them to be), and even the Federal Government.

Unfortunately, since it is intelligently-written AND about history,  I can't help but view it as a textbook itself.  This means I find myself falling asleep whenever I try to read it and feeling anxious that there will be a pop quiz tomorrow.  Not to mention, reading all about what dicks our ancestors are -- and being reminded that I do my best to continue in ignorant, dickish ways -- just makes me feel guilty and impotent.

As a result, I have been unable to keep my goal of finishing this whole nonfiction book before I read a fluffy book of fiction.  I had finished Chapter 2 ("The Truth About The First Thanksgiving") when I decided to take a short break:

(honestly, Fifty Shades of Grey has NOTHING on this series)

So then I told myself I just needed to read one chapter of Lies in between one book of fluff.  I read Chapter 4 ("Red Eyes" [about Native Americans]) and then switched over to  another book of great intellectual importance:

(you may be surprised to learn that this one kind of sucked)

So then I started to read Ch. 5 ("Gone With The Wind").  And when I say I 'started to read' the chapter, I mean that I read the title, decided I was too depressed to go on, and borrowed Furiously Happy from the library instead. 

Humorous essays written by a lady who is upfront about her struggles with mental illness.  Although it is non-fiction, it's more in the "Fluffy Non-Fiction" category.  I found it particularly amusing because her interactions with her husband sound suspiciously similar to ones I've had with Bee (such as when she stomped off to change her outfit because her husband had said she looked "fine" instead of "good").

But now I'm stuck, because I've cheated so much already that I don't feel like I can read any more fluff until I've at least read a few pages from Lies My Teacher Told Me.  And I have stoically stuck to that pledge . . . which means I've read nothing in the last 4 weeks.

Instead, I've switched to huddling in bed at night -- during my normal reading hours -- watching home improvement shows.  (And Cupcake Wars, which is probably the lowest of the low in the reality-baking-shows department.) 

This awfulness is made worse by the fact that Mr. C has figured out that these shows are my kryptonite.  Although I try not to let him watch TV during the day, he knows he can get me by sweetly suggesting that we watch an episode of Property Brothers together. 

Which was a great bonding experience, until Fire Safety Awareness Month came around and proved that I'd let him watch too many real estate shows.  Here's the Fire Exit Plan he came up with for each room of the house:





Let's just focus on the second line of the "Living Room" section:






Yeah, that's right: we don't need a designated first exit because my seven-year-old has proclaimed the living room to be in an 'open concept' layout.