The Toxic Housewife

Tonight was Kay's baby shower.  I offered to make the cake.  Ready? . . .

In the interest of reducing the agony, I will now attempt to shorten several Legs of The Toxic Tour to create one combined post. Which, unfortunately, only makes this a ridiculously long entry.  So get comfortable!

So, you may be asking, what have I been doing since 9 o'clock tonight? Well . . .

A few years ago, we stopped using the dishwasher.  A model that is probably close to 20 years old, the ineffective piece of crap is noisy, loooong, and still requires us to pretty much wash the dishes before we put them in the dishwasher. 

Awesome Former College Roommate, after driving an hour to Williamsburg to pick us up, drove us all the hour back to her house.  Upon getting to tour her enchanting home for the first time, I began to get a little worried: our vacation had now yielded three homes in a row that I really liked. So I figured Bee was slipping me some sort of 'sunshine and roses' pill since -- as you know -- I'm kind of a bitch and am not used to appreciating others' work.  My lifelong motto: Beauty Not Created By Me Must Be Ridiculed.

I once caught a fish . . . In our neck of the city, there are folk who sell salmon by the side of the road every summer.  You never know where they're going to be: a vacant parking lot; a grassy right-of way; in front of an abandoned building.  Keeping a look-out for them is half the fun; like a treasure hunt!  A fishy, slimy treasure hunt.

When Good Guests Go Bad I really enjoyed Leg 3 of The Toxic Tour, despite the fact that it only lasted 24 hours. I had suckered Selfless Former College Roommate into driving an hour from her house to pick up my squalling family from my sister's, then drive us all the hour back to her house.  Selfless Former College Roommate then had to clean her house, change sheets on multiple beds, and move shit out of the way in two bedrooms so that we could stay at her place for about 12 hours.  And, while I felt bad about all that work for so little time spent in-house, Selfless Former College Roommate graciously waved aside my guilt, claiming to be happy to see me for any amount of time at all. Her three cats, for their part, were equally gracious: politely confining their terrorized shaking to the dark recesses of the dining room hutch for the entirety of our visit.

OK, I know I'm supposed to be updating The Toxic Tour, but I just had to share this with you . . .