The Toxic Housewife

(OK, so this is a picture from the cookbook; but I made these Iced Lemon Cookies and they were JUST AS AWESOME as they look here) A friend asked me to donate some goods to a raffle at a fundraiser put on by my former employer. And you guys are lucky she did, as you have the chance to BENEFIT DIRECTLY from my conundrum!

BEFORE Ready for the big reveal? . . .

My contribution to lunch.  Hey, the toaster oven's working! Mr. C and I were invited over to my step-cousin’s today for a lunch playdate with her adorable two-year-old daughter.   When I asked what I could bring for lunch, my step-cousin sinisterly replied, “Ben & Jerry’s”.   In the second it took me to realize she was joking, I had two-and-a-half heart attacks.

You know you want it . . .  I started today off right: by staying up until 3 a.m. to read more of Jen But Never Jenn's blog.  Until three.  A.M.  In the morning.  And then I was so irritated at allowing myself to get sucked into her hilarious and inspiring blog posts that I had to stay up to write her a bitchy e-mail to that effect.  Until 3:30.  A.M.  In the morning.

Guess what time it is!!!!! It's nearing the end of Day 2 of Bee's absence, and I'm only about halfway through the two pints of ice cream I bought last night. Must be losing my touch.

Dirt patch in the back "yard" Please take the poll to the left, because Bee's on his way out of town soon, which means I'm fired up to do another round of home improvement.  Here's what I'm thinking:

Dear Cooking Light magazine, Attached please find a photo of the latest meal, Tex Mex Hash, that I attempted to create (the recipe coming from your most recent issue). Rest assured that I followed your directions as close as possible, even using radishes, as you suggested.

My 'garden' of pepper plants and violets.  Still alive!! Last night marked my first foray into the world of amateur professional gardening.  Gardens of the world, beware. I am generally pretty good at keeping things alive.  I say ‘generally’ because I am apparently unable to get goldfish to live more than three days once I’ve set them up in Mr. C’s room.  Oh, and I once somehow killed two of the five pet geckos an acquaintance had raised from eggs.  So, let me rephrase that: I am pretty good at keeping mammals alive.  And chickens (except when raccoons are around .)

Last year, Bee and I spent 10 days on a cruise to Mexico.  It was a vacation that, quite honestly, I cajoled and then tricked Bee into taking, which – if you ask me – is a great way to start any trip with your husband.

Mmmmm . . . carbs! Well, I did it again.  I am now the proud owner of a 25-year-old 18-pound-heavy pasta-maker.  And all I went to the store to get was a toaster oven.